She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she woke up with a sticky ear
I look better un-naked...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
