im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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