Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
