Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
