i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
