Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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