4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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