wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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