just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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