I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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