im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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