Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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