Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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