i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my shit smells like andre
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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