there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
