Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
