I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
