Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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