so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
