Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
