Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
