I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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