Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
vagina is talking i cant
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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