Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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