can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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