can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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