It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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