I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
