kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
