trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
