He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
