I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
