he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I understand Curling. That high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
