I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
