ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
