I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
