Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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