We're facebook friends in real life
Umm I'm too high to move.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
