I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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