Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
