I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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