Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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