apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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