I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
