I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
