If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
