I faked an abortion last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
