we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
