You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
