Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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