just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
