Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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