i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They took my balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
