Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
