girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
