she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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