I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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