just come out here and I will go home with you...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
